** I started this the day before the vice interview…does anyone else have so many thoughts at all times they wish that some robot chip could transcribe them? LIKE IF THEY ARE PUTTING A CHIP IN THE VACCINE (JK PLZ IM KIDDING… I BELIEVE IN SCIENCE… but I would take that one). But am getting back to it now - this was prompted by the “WHO ARE YOU question… and I have had …. ROLLING THOUGHTS about that….
As someone who consults people on building brands for a living, there are KEY things I think are important if you want to be an AUTHENTIC brand. Now I actually have no desire to be a brand. This started off as something silly - but then I realized how important it was not only to me, but to so many others. I realized how much shame there was around anyone besides a straight male expressing their sexuality. I began to learn how poor sex education is in most of the world. As someone who has always been very up front about my views of sexuality - (and I know I am extreme - something that as I have learned more about other peoples perspectives - there are certain topics that I need to be more “gentle about). BUT I have always seen it like this. Females - have examples of someone who has got their foot through the door. But - its not the same. In order to show people the inequality - sometimes you have to be super loud - and once people realize it wasn’t the end of the world, its easier for the next person…. And here I am getting off topic… My views on feminism/ internalized misogyny (which I discovered through this account & convos I have had will come soon).
But anyways - The past 7 months especially, I have been thinking alot about the fact that no-one truly knows who you are…everything you have been through that has shaped your knowledge, your opinions, your biases. I am not the same person I was when I started this page in 2019. So does the history matter? In reposting images (which once again ADHD AF and did not do this organized) a part of me wanted the same grid, the same order. BUT also - I had started to use this page to explore my thoughts and beliefs, express social justice. SO some of the “funny ones” dont feel right at this moment. Other pieces, are not my best skill wise - but I did them ASAP to be timely with a message. The message is important to me - but the conversation has changed. Also - when I started this - I lived for Casual sex. And I wanted to change the stigma that girls weren’t capable of that. I have been isolated for so long, that I crave intimacy - but also - on a health level - casual sex is a whole diff topic - I want to talk about this this as well!!!!) So like - I love some of my OG captions. But do they represent me today? And can I even advocate that same notion at this second…
Does it matter everything I have thought? Do you need that info? It’s a level of understanding for sure. The growth (of art, of puns).
But in this state of the world we are never going to move forward unless we accept others when they present a better version of themselves. Embrace growth, and continue to push people forward until there is no hate, no prejudice and true equality. But then with equality - should I even be pushing my voice and creations?
SO WHO AM I?
… if I am to answer who am I at this very point in time - the answer is - very lost. Or to reframe that, someone who believes in love and kindness, in doing the right thing, that putting yourself first doesnt need to HARM others, that we need to make sacrifices for the greater good, who believes in challenging stigmas in learning, in always growing, and that everyone is capable of this as well. Without knowing how someone came to their beliefs, you cant judge them, or challenge them effectively.
One one hand, I have never felt so strongly about some of my decisions. I am very invested in creating change, socially, politically. I believe in science. I have such a vision on the conversations I want to have, the people I want to be surrounded by.
On the other - I am so mad at the world for being so selfish. I have been through SO much (as has everyone). I feel like doing anything “personal” is a waste of energy, but I made a promise to myself that after the election, I would put a level of attention into my project that I have given to making so many other peoples dreams come true (that is VERY VERY hard for me… im doing my best though.
At this point in time - I want genuine connections - which can only be made through conversation and understanding. I also want people to have a reason to smile, which I know my art did for many for some amount of time.
I want to make a difference, and this platform was my voice. I want to find people that want to converse about the same topics. I want to raise awareness of what Is important. And yes, I want to make art.
Also is anyone else having trouble doing anything for themselves during this state of the world? Id love to put together an accountability/ challenge group! Or even just a zoom where we can all work “alone” but together?
I wish y’all knew me when I was fun….. but this year has put me through it. This weekend I was feeling hope for the first time in a long time. It wasn’t immediate, but… I could feel the energy becoming more positive. I manifested to wake up happy… Then I got one of the 3 worst case scenario calls. But anyways… the one thing that has been giving me true joy is the Four Seasons Landscaping Saga.
(My fake interview for those of you not on my socials --- yes i'm the queen of overdoing everything but its just so funny every time)
Why do I love the fact that this press conference was held at a landscape store next to a sex store and across from the crematorium? Because it is the most REAL thing we have seen in any of the “fake news.” Like seriously every article this year has seemed to come from a sadistic version of the onion.
But this one. This was real news. No-one called it fake news. And Fake news has not even dreamed up something so ridiculous.
But this. It is perfect. Humans interfering with nature, sexual frustration, and death. The three guarantees of current life in 2020. Poetic.
(In my mind sexual frustration is broader than just physically, but the pause of natural intimate relationships, rights for the LQBTQ+ community etc)
Now this is America.
I guess its a good thing Team T didnt do this prior (we love to see the support of small businesses but - as you can tell I am very anti Trump and that would have humanized him too well)
What have we learned in 2020 (okay way more than I can fit in one post..) more than humans effect on nature is detrimental not only to plants and animals, but human survival as well. And of course, who could forget DT’s proclamation of “California just needs to clean their forests.” No shade the the landscaping business, which I am sure does its part to keep plants healthy, but the parallels here are unmatched. (Insert combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell * you will only understand this if you are on tik tok* here).
Across the street, is fantasy island bookstore. Obviously Im pro sex toys. Im pro sex work. And due to isolation from covid, all we (single people) have is the fantasies of one day being able to get intimate with someone other than ourselves.
And (ESP in light of everything going on in the world) we need to NORMALIZE sexuality. unintentionally, this is the whole point of my project. (The fact that art on a dildo could have over 5000 shares (most did), is wild. Not because (biased) the art and the puns are top notch, but because it was truly that shocking to people. While I know that is a bit out there, the conversations I had surrounding the topic have been eye opening. The reactions made me think about sexuality, stigma, shame, and feminism in a way i had never before.
It made me wonder why people were SO shocked to see art on a Dildo. After all, ancient art was not shy of displaying unclothed male genetalia. And today, what is considered a “female body” is objectified across art, media, advertising. It is so normalized. It is cool to admire a female body. By both males and females alike.
Yet a dildo is SO shocking??
There is so much shame placed on females for expressing their sexuality (yall may have been around for the cuties convo on my old page I guess this post is literally just setting myself up for other posts). Yet, most females are never taught that masturbation is normal, how to do it. And instead of being taught, they are shamed when it is discussed in the wrong setting. There is alot we need to change about America and education, and how we equate to females and sexuality is one of those things.
Knowledge is power- and the lack of accurate & educational material is mindblowing. (So like lmk which one of these statements you want me to elaborate on first? IVE BEEN QUARENTINED FOR 8 months- I have alot of thoughts...)
So anyways this started off with the fact that the one thing bringing me true joy is how poeDIC the four seasons total landscaping situation is. Also I love that it brought biz to a local, family owned sex shop!!! and also alot of other themes that I want to dive into - def lmk if there is more you want to know about!!!